Modesty is Underrated

I totally forgot I even had this. Whoops!

Job hunting is officially over.

I was offered a job at Earthbound Trading Company at minimum wage. Not much potential for commission on top of that, but it's a cool company and a laid-back environment. With my experience working in more professional atmospheres I figured promotion would be a walk in the park.

Then I get woken up this morning getting offered a job paying $10/hr at a call center and almost shit myself. I was supposed to go in to fill out paperwork at Earthbound today and now I have to go in and decline. Blarg .. never had to do that before.

In any case, I actually feel *HAPPY* for the first time since I got here to Austin.

It's official, I'm unemployable.

I applied for a job at 24-hour fitness which only pays minimum wage and after going through two "first interviews" (the chick forgot who everyone was and decided to do them again), I get a call saying they had people transfer in.

I sent my resume to two kennels here in Austin that had postings on CraigsList, neither even emailed me back.

Totally blew my Progressive interview so badly that I got an email like, 4 hours later saying I wasn't being considered.


Other than Progressive and 24-Hour Fitness, after sending out probably 30 resumes I haven't gotten any other calls back.

So a lot of shit's gone wrong since I got here and I feel like I've already lost a lot of steam. I'd been feeling like it was a mistake for a week or two now, but then I stumbled across some photos on FaceBook.

All of the sudden I feel very .. confident .. that this was the right decision at the right time. Funny how that works, eh?

I'm thinking I might get stuck at a call center job here, but it pays 30% more than the kennel did in a city that's about 30% cheaper than Chicago. Basically, I'd be able to survive COMFORTABLY off of 20 hours a week. Not to mention maybe with that few hours at the call center I could avoid wanting to off myself to get out of the job. Heh.

I'm in a shitty fuckin mood.

No roommate, no job, nothing to do. Fuckin a. I want to hit someone.

I met this guy on gay.com last night who had apparently moved here from Chicago a few years ago, so we were reminiscing about the time we had spent in Chicago.

Naturally where we'd lived came up and I mentioned that I'd lived in Uptown, one thing led to another, and it turns out he was the guy who lived in the Fag Frat house before Marcus moved in.

What're the odds? I've scarcely met anyone from Chicago here, let alone someone who lived in the same apartment as I did for a while.


Kinda cool.

Wish me luck, folks .. pretty please?

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck ..

FUCK.


4 days? Really? 4 fucking days?

.. fuck.


I wonder how long it'll take before I stop freaking out about whether or not moving is a mistake. Bets, anyone?

Though it's currently manifesting in an entirely different set of issues, I'm still as conflicted as I was 4 years ago.

I think staying here in Chicago as long as I did will help make things better in the future, since it was essentially a lesson in commitment. Maybe this time around I'll be able to do things right in Austin.


.. I don't know what to do if I can't.

Meghan McCain on the Colbert Report was actually really interesting. If the republicans drop social policies from their platform, they might really stand a chance at winning over younger and younger people. How curious.

I really miss Heidi. I keep thinking about how great it was to have her around, and about how there HAD to have been a way to keep her.

It doesn't matter that there wasn't and still isn't .. I really feel like shit.

Why do the coolest people have to be the flakiest?

It's really disheartening.

Racism isn't the observation of correlations, it's the denial of exceptions.

It's funny, because I think some things are realizations you can't pass on. The logical part of me says there MUST be a way, but there really isn't.

I've seen a lot of people try to use The Bible as a weapon against homophobes who cite it, mentioning some other passage that contradicts or discredits what the person is saying. Anyone who's ever read "How to Win Friends and Influence People" should see why that hasn't gotten homos anywhere in decades. You can't hate and help someone at the same time. You can't condemn someone's beliefs and expect them to give thought to your own.

Can you imagine knowing God and never knowing his Love?

If you can't think objectively enough to not scoff at that statement, you don't deserve the consideration you demand of others.

Repressing an aspect of one's personality -- be it sexual, emotional, moral, or otherwise -- is like cutting out an article from a newspaper: removing the article will always alter some other part of the newspaper.

How can one ever grow tired of guiding others to a more peaceful path?

I've got a lot to think about. I hadn't thought about my pre-Chicago life in .. well, probably over a year. I was talking to a friend earlier and the subject of my not enjoying anal sex came up, to which he responded: "There's a lot of guys out there like you, too." My response was something like a less offensive "No shit, Sherlock." But after I stated with such certainty my awareness of this fact, it hit me: I had no idea before I moved here to Chicago. Before that I'd always felt like it was just me.

Now, I'm not trying to make this out to be like some closet-case kinkster's woes -- I had enough play to keep me going -- but I was totally unaware of the myriad of kinksters there are out there. Part of me tries to convince myself it's because Texas was fairly desolate place to find some play, but I guess more realistically it's that I was younger and less experienced.

In any case, I've been so caught up in feeling as though I haven't gained anything tangible in Chicago these two years that I'd forgotten about all the other things I'd gained. I don't feel it right now because of where my mind is, but I've really learned a lot since I moved here.

A Really Great Job for Someone Like You!Drive Around&Write Stuff Down! (Northside)
Reply to: job-qr3bh-1104124997@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-04-02, 3:02PM CDT


This is really a great job for someone like you! All we need you to do is drive around and write down addresses and phone numbers for us. Really, that's it.

We have a business that provides services to apartment buildings in Chicago. We need to build a database of the owners of these buildings. Maybe you have or haven't noticed, but most rental buildings in Chicago have a little sign on the front of the building with a name and address on it. We need you to drive around on a route we give you and type these building addresses, contact names and numbers into your lap top. That's pretty much it. We don't care how you dress, don't care what music you listen to while you drive around, don't care if you shower or not. Really a perfect job for someone who just wants to go about their business and be left the heck alone.

Sure, the pay is just ok, but since you were just sitting around doing nothing anyway, at least this will get you out of the house right? At least until something better comes along, this is ideal. You should turn off the TV, get off the couch and respond right away before that guy in the apartment listening to that annoying music in the apartment underneath you beats you to it.

Send me an e-mail, resume if you have one, let me know that you have a car (a license would be nice too), laptop with Excel, and can read and type.

Yup. Unemployed again.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.


I should have been going to school this whole time.

I think I'm about to be out of a job.

Figures. I deserve it.